I'm graduating in about a month and some days. Geez I thought I'd never say that. Pretty soon I'll be walking across the stage in my dorky cap and gown. It feels like I've been in high school for 10 years. 10 long shitty years. Will I miss this place, the people, the walls of virtual security? Hard to tell. It still hasn't hit me I'm about to be a full fledged adult. Say what you want about me not paying for EVERYTHING on my own. I've paid my debt to society aha. I'm in the process of moving out, I should find out if I've been excepted into The Art Institute, no one can tell me what to do anymore. Life is good . This chapter of my life is finally coming to an end...as cheesy as that sounds.
I'm not really sure if I want to even move out with four other people . Four very different people. Two of them are guys.... I can't decide if I really want to move in because I do or if I'm just desperate to get out. I guess we should all sit and talk about it before any of us waste time and money.It's so annoying when the pessimist try to tell us we can't do it or it's a silly ideal. Well you wanna know what you're a silly idea fucktards.
I know it isn't doable, but when it is I wanna have my own place. Me,myself and I. Alan was apart of the plan but I'm not ready, at least I don't think I am, to live with him.I'm pretty sure he doesn't even want to at the moment if he could. We talked about it and we're just too different when it comes to how we wanna live.That decision could either make or break our relationship and right now I think that would be the straw that broke the camel's back.
Anyway, who knows post-high school me could be a freaking bombshell.....yeah right. Maybe Kiani 2.0 is in the making already. I feel like high school has been holding me back from just living life . Okayy okayy part of that is because of me...lol
I'm not really sure what it is about my relationship right now.Something is just...off. Like there's a huge elephant in the room that neither one has bothered chase out.I feel like I'm chasing him away, but it's not intentional. It's just that normal things that he does are all of a sudden bothering me immensely.It's not like the beginning of our relationship when I was just getting annoyed with ALWAYS being with him becuase at this point i love spending time with him. Anytime I'm not with him that's when it bothers me. Honestly, what I think it is is this whole Sean and Rachel thing... It's rehashing all of these feelings that I thought I released a while ago. It just makes me think back . This time I get to see it from an outsider's POV. It's heartbreaking to watch my bestfriend go through that. To watch her go at it with that ugly bitch. It's like deja vu. It's like having post tramatic stress from war and hearing gunshots outside of your door.
I forgave him. Didn't I? So why can't we talk about it without fear of me being upset. "Either you forgive him or move on." the advice I gave her. I'm pretty sure I followed that....