Anything & Everything

I'm not a bitch ,I mean I am but only if you deserve it.I just hate it when people are all in my personal space.Not just physically ,but socially (if that makes sense) .I don't need anyone up my lady parts 24/7 I may not have that much of a life ,but I'm not gonna waste what little I have on you.Me making excuses ,is a pretty good indication if you get one all the time.My friend tells me to just tell you how I feel about it.Normally I would have been done with it and went on with my semi-merry life ,but with you even if I did do that I'd have to see you or talk to you .Dilemmas of my life ,why can't I have normal problems like why god doesn't bless me with impeccable skin or something haha.

Something I recently discovered .Something that I've needed for quite sometime.Not a replacement because frankly there is no substitute for what I can't have ,for what I want more then anything is this whole screwed up universe .I've found a loop hole,a way that I can finally be semi-happy with my life even if it's just for a minute.That's all I need is a few moments to clear my mind of this emotional plague.It may sound weird,but unless you've experienced the longing that I go through everyday ,you wouldn't understand.Sometimes I think there has to be a catch .That my tylenol will soon dissappear leaving me to deal .

Well another person out of my life , no disrespect intended .My feelings ? I'm actually not caring like I normally do.Not a tear not even a sniffle.I already knew it wasn't going to work , and yet I wanted it to ,a part of me needed it to work.I thought I found my solution to my emptiness,my longing .Guess not .This has got to be a record though .One week ! Ha somebody come to me and tell me they've had worse.I just feel bad for him,him needing to grow up in a way for girls to take him more seriously.

Damn why is it already over.It practically just started ,and I was just getting good at it.When was I transformed from a New Boy to a Mario?I know I'm not officially finished with this lifestyle I just need a change in pace for a while.It's hard though,harder than I thought it was gonna be.To be monogamous again after all this time.I feel totally out of my element because now I actually have to put time and effort in this to work .I actually have to care about someone Else's feelings when after so long my emotions were the only thing that mattered.Complicated.

I told you to be happy.Even if it caused me pain.It did ,but whatever.I knew from the beginning the circumstances were clear we even had a conversation about it.Though you claim you don't remember .Bullshit.Oddly I didn't cry like I normally do .I just straightened up and put my "not going to give a fuck face on".You seemed concerned,but in that same way I can see that you don't care.You're already in the process of replacement.

It's okayy.Really!? I'm fine.