Anything & Everything

How many times am I going to be humiliated, shitted on?
     Oddly , I feel no anger, I've come to a point of "what's new?". I'm so used to this fuckery, typical typical fuckery.

• My rent is slowly creeping up
• I need to find a new job like ASAP
• I'm pregnant

and now this......................................
I should've just went to college . Dorm Room, Frat Party College. I wouldn't be dealing with this. I've been trying to see the bright side in all of this , but there's always something............

I'm conflicted. With who I wanna be and who I should be. It's time I made a decision, it isn't fair for everyone involved to be dragged along while I try and figure out what I'm going to do. Somehow I feel as if people are making it easier . Spreading their opinions among 2,3 people. How am I still in the dark while everyone else was given a flashlight. Am I not the key component to this schematic? If not then what the fuck am I still doing here. Instead of having your suspicions about me people should worry about who there friends are.
      When are we finally going to be mature enough to express our feelings with each other instead of with irrelevant people? I've been trying to build this strong relationship that people would envy, but I'm realizing ....what's there to want?
I'm sick of settling, I'm not saying I'm better than anyone , but I deserve better. I don't deserve to be second guessed all the time..... I haven't done anything. Although, there have been times when I have wanted to. I don't like people keeping tabs on me not you, your friend(s), I'm not a child. Seems like you trusted me more back then when all you knew about me was how I liked to be fucked.
     I haven't changed at all. I've been this way since we met. I'm only in a harder exterior, but of course you have yourself to blame for that. I've come to the conclusion after all this time that I love myself more than I love him, and for a while it was the opposite. I'm at a point in my life where if it needs to be done it can be no hard feelings . I won't bother him ever again. If that's what he wants. I'm just tired.

Well, knowledge is power and not knowing is just half the battle....

People are such bullshit and I hate you all . Go die . Jump off a bridge cliff idgaf. Suck my dick and suffocate on my mandigo . Times ticking . The Bombs gonna blow. The detonator is impossible to reach. Have fun smelling your own fumes. HMm yea

Once upon a time there was a Queen of a vast world called Kiavibech that knew all. Every little secret thought erased from the face of the Earth was kept deep within the crevices of her brain.How did she come to acquire such precious gifts you might ask? Well let's just say when you're quiet...people love to fill the silence. The Queen loved all of her subjects. The liars, and criers, illegal drug buyers. Each played a part in her realm for without them where would she be? All was well  until one day one of her trusted advisers committed treason . The silent rule of secrecy was broken . Everyone knew of his act except the Queen, but no one said anything. No one except Milo. Milo who hardly knew the Queen was smitten with her at first sight. But rule of the court forbade them to ever be more than master and servant. He took a vow to admire from afar and always protect the Queen. The corrupted advisor kept on with his crimes not thinking that one day they would catch up to him.Milo didn't know what he should do so he waited and soon after the advisor enlisted an accomplice who knew far more than she should. Milo knew that he must tell the Queen because she would know what to do. After listening to everything Milo had to say the Queen calmly explained that she had nothing to fear. She told him the many stories she'd sworn to take with her to the grave that if "accidentally" slipped out could ruin people beyond repair.Within the amount of time it took her to accumulate all of it she had secrets of her own. Some she never told anyone and some that "tumbled" out of her mouth in hopes that when the time came that whoever that one person that knew was, if spoken would be catch then unravel their own web of lies that were far worse than anything she's ever done. The Queen regal and all set an execution date and vowed that no matter what the final blowed would be delivered personally by her.
 
 

I'm graduating in about a month and some days. Geez I thought I'd never say that. Pretty soon I'll be walking across the stage in my dorky cap and gown. It feels like I've been in high school for 10 years. 10 long shitty years. Will I miss this place, the people, the walls of virtual security? Hard to tell. It still hasn't hit me I'm about to be a full fledged adult. Say what you want about me not paying for EVERYTHING on my own. I've paid my debt to society aha. I'm in the process of moving out, I should find out if I've been excepted into The Art Institute, no one can tell me what to do anymore. Life is good . This chapter of my life is finally coming to an end...as cheesy as that sounds.
   I'm not really sure if I want to even move out with four other people . Four very different people. Two of them are guys.... I can't decide if I really want to move in because I do or if I'm just desperate to get out. I guess we should all sit and talk about it before any of us waste time and money.It's so annoying when the pessimist try to tell us we can't do it or it's a silly ideal. Well you wanna know what you're a silly idea fucktards.
   I know it isn't doable, but when it is I wanna have my own place. Me,myself and I. Alan was apart of the plan but I'm not ready, at least I don't think I am, to live with him.I'm pretty sure he doesn't even want to at the moment if he could. We talked about it and we're just too different when it comes to how we wanna live.That decision could either make or break our relationship and right now I think that would be the straw that broke the camel's back.
   Anyway, who knows post-high school me could be a freaking bombshell.....yeah right. Maybe Kiani 2.0 is in the making already. I feel like high school has been holding me back from just living life . Okayy okayy part of that is because of me...lol