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Well another person out of my life , no disrespect intended .My feelings ? I'm actually not caring like I normally do.Not a tear not even a sniffle.I already knew it wasn't going to work , and yet I wanted it to ,a part of me needed it to work.I thought I found my solution to my emptiness,my longing .Guess not .This has got to be a record though .One week ! Ha somebody come to me and tell me they've had worse.I just feel bad for him,him needing to grow up in a way for girls to take him more seriously.

Damn why is it already over.It practically just started ,and I was just getting good at it.When was I transformed from a New Boy to a Mario?I know I'm not officially finished with this lifestyle I just need a change in pace for a while.It's hard though,harder than I thought it was gonna be.To be monogamous again after all this time.I feel totally out of my element because now I actually have to put time and effort in this to work .I actually have to care about someone Else's feelings when after so long my emotions were the only thing that mattered.Complicated.

I told you to be happy.Even if it caused me pain.It did ,but whatever.I knew from the beginning the circumstances were clear we even had a conversation about it.Though you claim you don't remember .Bullshit.Oddly I didn't cry like I normally do .I just straightened up and put my "not going to give a fuck face on".You seemed concerned,but in that same way I can see that you don't care.You're already in the process of replacement.

It's okayy.Really!? I'm fine.

I hate playing messenger because my mom and her "fiance' " want to act like fourth graders.I want it to work out because
1.) She's getting to a time in her life where men aren't coming out the yin-yang like they used to
And
2.) I actually like this guy.He isn't like the usual idiot that comes and goes like a seasonal jacket.This guy doesn't make me wanna dismember him at all.
Besides all that one of these "adults" need to suck up their pride and stubborn-like ways and apologize for whatever happened

So apparently I've entrusted one too many people with my life,well the things in it.Like what the hell causes people to broadcast what's meant to be a secret.I mean I would think you would want the same in return but from the looks of it,it would seem as though you enjoy the attention you get from this. Not seeing or caring what kind of trouble that causes me .It's a fucking domino effect.Get It? So why be selfish?Dumb Asses of the world.

I feel bad that I'm doing the same thing to you ,that she did to me last year.It's not on purpose it's just that our opposites are repelling each other away .I have my own life going on ,as do you I just can't find the time to balance it.I feel bad that I ignore you sometimes because I feel like I can't be bothered with you.I feel bad that we can't be like we were freshmen year.Everything has changed ,I'm just not sure I want to changeit back yet.

Twenty-four hours a day my mind is occupied on the one thing that keeps my life going counter-clockwise.I know what I need to do to fix it , the problem is that I don't want to.For some reason I rather have this problem than lose it altogether.I rather ride on the brink of sanity and insanity than lay it to rest forever .

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