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Well another person out of my life , no disrespect intended .My feelings ? I'm actually not caring like I normally do.Not a tear not even a sniffle.I already knew it wasn't going to work , and yet I wanted it to ,a part of me needed it to work.I thought I found my solution to my emptiness,my longing .Guess not .This has got to be a record though .One week ! Ha somebody come to me and tell me they've had worse.I just feel bad for him,him needing to grow up in a way for girls to take him more seriously.

Damn why is it already over.It practically just started ,and I was just getting good at it.When was I transformed from a New Boy to a Mario?I know I'm not officially finished with this lifestyle I just need a change in pace for a while.It's hard though,harder than I thought it was gonna be.To be monogamous again after all this time.I feel totally out of my element because now I actually have to put time and effort in this to work .I actually have to care about someone Else's feelings when after so long my emotions were the only thing that mattered.Complicated.

I told you to be happy.Even if it caused me pain.It did ,but whatever.I knew from the beginning the circumstances were clear we even had a conversation about it.Though you claim you don't remember .Bullshit.Oddly I didn't cry like I normally do .I just straightened up and put my "not going to give a fuck face on".You seemed concerned,but in that same way I can see that you don't care.You're already in the process of replacement.

It's okayy.Really!? I'm fine.

I hate playing messenger because my mom and her "fiance' " want to act like fourth graders.I want it to work out because
1.) She's getting to a time in her life where men aren't coming out the yin-yang like they used to
And
2.) I actually like this guy.He isn't like the usual idiot that comes and goes like a seasonal jacket.This guy doesn't make me wanna dismember him at all.
Besides all that one of these "adults" need to suck up their pride and stubborn-like ways and apologize for whatever happened

So apparently I've entrusted one too many people with my life,well the things in it.Like what the hell causes people to broadcast what's meant to be a secret.I mean I would think you would want the same in return but from the looks of it,it would seem as though you enjoy the attention you get from this. Not seeing or caring what kind of trouble that causes me .It's a fucking domino effect.Get It? So why be selfish?Dumb Asses of the world.

I feel bad that I'm doing the same thing to you ,that she did to me last year.It's not on purpose it's just that our opposites are repelling each other away .I have my own life going on ,as do you I just can't find the time to balance it.I feel bad that I ignore you sometimes because I feel like I can't be bothered with you.I feel bad that we can't be like we were freshmen year.Everything has changed ,I'm just not sure I want to changeit back yet.

Twenty-four hours a day my mind is occupied on the one thing that keeps my life going counter-clockwise.I know what I need to do to fix it , the problem is that I don't want to.For some reason I rather have this problem than lose it altogether.I rather ride on the brink of sanity and insanity than lay it to rest forever .

Whether talking about a friendship or relationship the word forever ruins everything.Why? Well because as soon as you hear it ,it puts you in the mind set of endlessness.Then when someone breaks up with you ,or when best friends drift apart it makes it ten times worse . Makes you actually believe that something can last a lifetime.It can't .I don't care what anybody says ,it's bullshit. Something can last for years and end .Is that an eternity?Is that forever?No .It's a span of time you wasted.Forever is when you have someone Wife,Husband,Friend,etc. that's there when you're old and soggy .When you become annoying .When you do something horrible and they're still there .When you're brain dead on life support .....sorry.Trying to make a point.......People throw that word around like it's trivial .They say it for the moment not for what it really means.Think about it.

You want to know what I hate ?People that totally disregard their surroundings and make unnecessary remarks .Unnecessary.The word "faggot" shouldn't be in anyone's vocabulary.I saw one of my friends walking down the hall (looking amazing by the way)I heard someone in the hall "He's such a faggot " like what the fuck ?I wanted to turn around and slap the crap out of that guy.So because the boy was different he deserves to be called out of his name .No that's like my friend calling you a nasty negro.You just don't do it.Not so nice huh? Respect would be nice.Aah people and their ignorance.

Definition: feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages.
Why do you find the need to flaunt what I've already had.Like I'm not retarded ,I notice that you guys have something going on and I'm perfectly o.k. with it .Honestly I could really care less.Saying Hi to me?When have you ever said hi to me just because ?Only when a certain person is present .So I just want you to leave me alone and get a life .Geez you act like I'm going to try to come between whatever is going on never that.

Is it weird to say I hate being home.That I try to avoid having to converse with my mom because I know it would end in an argument.That I take any chance I get to not be home no matter what it is.Somebody is always screaming .My mom and her fucking religious ways,she makes me go to church even though she knows I don't give a rat's ass about what's being said at 7AM .My brother is always crying or being an ignoramus.My sisters,need I say more.That's why I separate myself from them ,all of them.Sometimes my mom tells me "you think you're better than everybody" not true I just rather be away from you.When I'm home I only leave my room to stuff my face they hardly see me.I just stopped caring a while ago ,actually it somehow makes everything easier .I don't know what it is but I despise the idea of anything family related.All this loving,yelling,fighting,apologizing,divorcing,proposing,death,CONFUSION.It makes life harder than it needs to be .Some people wish to be cared for ,I wish that people would stop concerning themselves with me.

I wanted to post this yesterday but I don't write when I'm bad .So here's the story.Yesterday,my friend and I were in the lunch line ,talking about random things ,which we do all the time.Then this bitch behind us was like "they are so wack".Aaaaaah I swear I wanted to punch her in her unattractive face .We turn around and just looked at her usually I wouldn't care but I was having a great day and she just darkened it.I went off ,I've never cursed that much at one time in my life .I just couldn't stop because if you've read one of my previous entries you would know how I felt about that word.Who the hell are you to say that .Especially with us less than an inch away from you.Then we got out the line my friend was called out by one of the stupid administrators about her shoes.Like seriously ,is this what you're getting paid for ,scoping out shoes.Shit .Security.That's what they're called? All they do is nag and try to find things wrong with us.It's like security is supposed to be watching the halls making sure fucking terrorists *exaggeration* aren't invading our school instead they're all in the cafeteria sitting on they're "holy dais" patrolling the floors for trash.Pathetic.

The Flu is going around unfortunately and every ones fucking getting sick.The nurses are getting fucking paranoid making anyone with a cough strap on one of those surgical mask.I went to the clinic today and this lady was practically yelling at this boy "if you have a fever over the weekend don't come to school,your mom should know this,if not please tell her".I wanted to to tell her so bad that it's not that serious.I mean if she's that scared she should get the vaccination ,and then there's the swine flu which makes this "flu season" even more ridiculous .People are like stay away from me you're contagious I could die. I swear they're so ignorant don't they know that you can die from the flu too .Even though it's not likely.It's not like there has been an outbreak of the measles or something serious like that.

I still can't decide whether to keep this "distraction" up.I can't explain it but this one is far from the last.This feeling. This ohsowonderful feeling of being cared for.I mean my previous little "amusement" was fine ,OK, a little better than o.k. I didn't feel like I was waisting my time until I saw that there was no progress happening ,not even a little.......Momentary Flashbacks.It almost felt like I was being used as much as that hurts to admit ,but it's true I see nothing else that fits.But what I can't figure out is why ,why put me through that .I don't care anymore it's water under the bridge.Sometimes i just wish you were gone but then if you were I'd be selfish enough and maybe even stupid enough to make you wanna stay.I know you wouldn't listen to me .I don't matter right.Did I ever ?I'd like to think I did,well do.

People disappear for a reason ,some for the better some for the worse.Then for whatever reason people reappear .Why ? My life would be a whole lot easier if certain "people" kept a safe distance .I miss the simplicity in my life where I actually looked forward to a new day.Now I dread every hour that passes by.So many arguments ,the animosity,hostility all could have been avoided ,instead me and the rest of my family are attached to certain "people" who do nothing but slow the process of moving on down.The only good that came out of this whole mess was my little brother and I wouldn't trade him for anything ,even if he does get on my nerves.You would think that after the divorce everything would be o.k. ,a clean cut.Instead it's like a laceration that will never mend.I don't know how I remain sane sometimes listening to my mom defend herself over a phone ,a fucking phone. I used to want to hurt you make you suffer like those times you made her suffer. I used to want to cut you physically like you cut her emotionally ,but somehow I've been able to push you to the back of my mind.Where eventually you will stay for ever.

So my mom started dating this guy,______.He's okay kind of quiet for my hellish family .Well we had dinner together ,that's the first surprise my mom never cooks .Seriously if there weren't fast food restaurants we would all starve to a "bony baby" death.Anyways so we're sitting at the table in complete silence,well aside from the sound of the buttons on everyone's phone.All of a sudden my mom is like "How was your day" the universal "silence-filler".She and everyone at the table but poor_____ knows that the question gets less than a four worded sentence .So she moves on to other "conversation starters " all of them started where the last one ended .Nowhere...!
This whole time I keep looking at my sister and we're both this close to bursting out laughing .
This whole time_____ is just snickering trying to keep it in until he laughs too.

So yesterday was homecoming (the game) and it was so much fun.Better than last year only because I went with my friends that actually stayed with me .We were probably like one of the loudest groups on the bleachers.Me , being afraid of heights was having miniature panic attacks every time someone jumped up and down on the bleachers.Anyways the concession stands were fucking loud and everyone kept getting in front of us.I blame it on our shortness :) It was so hot and stuffy with everyone pushing to get to the front.When we finally got out of the line I saw this freshman that asked me to the dance today.He waved but being the bitch I am I just looked at him and kept walking.I don't care.So many cute guys from other schools like seriously whoa :) I heard some people talking about a fight and sure enough I saw the blue flashing lights outside of the fence.I ended up walking home instead of getting a ride from my mom because she wanted me to wait at the ticket booth when everyone was leaving.I walked with my best friend and her friend.Great Night.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't told you how I felt about our "situation" as you once called it.I couldn't decide whether to keep it to myself or to let you know.Why?Because I figured in time you would forget about me and vise versa .I'll admit I wanted things to return back to normal,but when reality set in I realized they wouldn't and/or couldn't. I'm not sure what compelled me to do such a thing ,as to jeopardize the wall that was slowly being built between us. I feel like I gave you permission to step on my feelings, but it's what ever .

I don't really have anything meaningful to say today so you can read about my bland day.
Geometry.So very boring there's this one girl that ask questions like her life depended on it .Aah it's like Shut the hell up .I mean it's already hard enough to pay attention when I don't have my fucking meds.On my way to English I stopped in the bathroom .I hate that there's always a line for the mirror I swear.Ridiculous.English.Favoritism.That's all I'm going to say.Lunch.This guy i swear freaks me out .He's always there.AP Geo.Loud and Obnoxious as always.I find that I'm slowly breaking away from certain friends,finding new ones,maybe it's for the best I'm not really upset about it.Actually I could really care less.
You know what I find funny you look at me just to smile and look down.It freaking makes my day sometimes. :)

So I wrote this in P.E. ,sitting on the bleachers today, it's sort of an observation about us females.
Why do girls find the need to reiterate every part of a conversation ?(Example:She was like,I was like,He was like, etc.) It's like o.k. I was right there and my ass isn't slow so why are you telling me something that happened less than 30 seconds ago.Why do some girls find the need to put on a performance every time an attractive male specimen comes along.They're like circus animals waiting for their ringmaster to throw them a treat.Another thing is there is a reason why our voices don't get deeper.Our voices are already louder than most guys so why are they(we) so loud,why put forth that extra effort? Something else I noticed is that the closer a guy gets their(our) voices goes up an octave .We claim how complex we are .How much better we are then boys .So far you're(we) just proving why girls/women are looked down upon.No one cares about intellect points everyone wants the Cool,Cute,Pretty points.
Well that's all I got to write bent over my biology book. Like I was actually reading it .I don't think anyone noticed .They were too busy socializing on the bleachers with everyone else.

Today has been a bummy crummy day.It looked like it was going to rain all day.My mom had to go to work until like 4 so I was stuck babysitting the brat.The highlight of my day was when I drove my car mom dukes tensing up beside me.
Mom
"
Kiani can you see over your dash board?"

Me
"
Umm yeah we didn't crash yet did we?"

Ha shit was weak.Then we went to Walmart,me and my sister saw these three cute skater guys.We had our creeper moment ,but so did they we went in the toy section and there they were doing absolutely nothing but looking at us I was laughing so hard.So that's my Saturday.

I used to ask myself why.Why didn't you talk to me anymore? Why does it feel like I did something wrong when we both know it was you who has been fallacious .I don't know what makes me reenter my meta life as soon as you appear maybe it's because when we first met I wanted you to like me .So much that I ignored all of your personality flaws .Now when we see each other it's a wave,maybe a smile and we go our separate ways.No more conversations .No more awkward silences it's just silence. If I could I would take back what we can't ever take back just to return to how it used to be.

So I have this best-friend her name will stay secret just in case you're one of those creepers we try to stay away from.We got to play in the rain today after school .Of course we got those weird stares like why the fuck are they cartwheeling in wet grass.Well I wish I could have answered that but honestly I didn't know .It's just when we're together the maturity in us disappears for a period of time.Usually I'm always self-conscious of every ones opinion ,but with her I could really care less what anyone has to say.Trust me it will get worse it always does we're just getting started. Last year we were like to most outrageous people out there no lie.So if you see two girls singing in the rain or crying in the cold nine times out of ten that's us not having the lives we claim we have.

So yesterday was very ...Epic.Why you might ask,well I really don't feel like typing the whole story but just know that that very well could have been the day I laid down to die.I'm sorry for my depressing humor.It was perfect I got to chill with that old friend I told you about.Everything was perfect until the "warden" got home. I will tell you this much I've never been more scared in my whole life .Not even when I almost got hit with a bus on my way to school.Anyway it turns out my sister isn't that much of a lame as I thought if it wasn't for her I would of crumpled under the pressure,she helped me so much .Like I don't think I could have appreciated her anymore than I did yesterday.

what is wack but to define what you are if you don't follow a certain suit .If you don't fall under a certain criteria you are considered wack.Or for my well educated people that don't mind a few synonyms(eccentric,anomalous,outalndish) all perfect examples .The funny thing is that as much as we would hate to be called any of those names we're all so quick to do that onto other people.If you think about it no one would be wack if everyone accepted everyone and their different "ways".So if someones wack to you then odds are you're wack to them.Everyone.You.Me.Her.Him.We're all wack in some way or another.
Another Pointless Post.Live it Love it.

Wow surprisingly this is one of the only Internet worthy sites allowed on the school's proxy thing.To make this a tad more exciting I'm not even suppose to be on here .Here's my actual destination,Free Rice .Fucking lame.So I guess I'll write a quick post.
I was almost late for school today because.....well I don't know actually.I feel like crap the only two reasons why I'm pulling through this sluggish day is because one,I might be getting my car today I saw it and my mom approved so I'm waiting for it to arrive in my driveway,and the other is that I have plans to hang with an old friend.Well it's too soon to tell how this day will end whether it be with me in a good mood or me in a not so pleasant one.Hopefully lunch will go well.I sit with people I don't know.Wait no take that back .I know them but we only talk when we're in the cafeteria.I don't know sometimes I feel like they feel obligated to take me in .It doesn't matter,lunch is only like 45 minutes anyways so I'll get over it.AP Geo later maybe it won't be as stressful as it normally is.You would think I was talking about the massive amount of work ,but I'm not it's some of my "fellow students" .They talk out of turn,make random remarks and are just loud for the hell of it.Who knew so many attention whores could occupy one class.Reminds me of the middle school days haha.Like two years ago.Well I'll leave it at that .I think I'm going to make another post after this.

What's wrong with me why do I always find the need to continue these semi-relations that engulf my life in the flames of complication.You see regular people,normal people,AVERAGE people can discard someone from their life with no problem .Me? I just can't help but to drift towards my old habit of people and their shenanigans I wanna say.The people I try to....Umm I don't wanna say avoid because frankly I don't have the energy or time to work around seeing a certain person.But I just try not to concern myself in their life whether it be current love interest or just something alluring going on in their life.Because as soon as I allow myself to be pulled in, the cycle that I've been trying to stay away from resurfaces .I'm like a fucking hoarder.You know that show on TLC where there's always this weird women with a gazillion cats and she resorts to sleeping on a sofa so her precious kitties can dominate the rest of the house.That's a Hoarder.Well I will admit I had a cat...maybe two but they're gone.Anyways it's like I hoard friends .It's like I let them sit on a shelf until one decides to come back to life . Absolutely useless.

So you know your life has come to a dull stop when the little things make you ohsohappy.Like you used to chill with everyone in your phone and now your phone is the only way you stay connected with your people.Or when your weekends actually become a family affair instead of a chill day.Maybe when school,home,and the occasional trip to the mall were your only attempts you made to have that social life that has been disappearing oh so slowly .
Why am I allowing myself to become exactly like the person I dread to become .It's like making friends is easy,a no brainer .It's the whole keeping in touch thing that makes me wanna be alone.Like I like the type of friends that are like I'll see you whenever instead of the let's all go watch this movie together then after we'll have a big fucking feast at fucking "Ruby Tuesday" and everyone will spill their innermost secrets and figure out which one of their friends' relationships to include themselves in .
But then again I look at my sister and she's like a frigging social butterfly.Like she has so many friends and she talks to every single one of them every day.It's like her phone is constantly vibrating,and I don't know how she does it or what she does but it seems like her posse is always at my door begging her to come out(like she needs an ego boost).The funny thing is she doesn't even try they just seem to flock towards her.If it were up to her she would spend her days in a Teenspot chat-room insulting the religious kids.
Who knows .Three years left of high school left to figure it out.

Glee is coming back on.Finally !
Well today has been quite vexatious.It drove me insane all day I felt like everyone was watching. Paranoid much? Well walking to class usually I have someone with me ,but since we have all new schedules I found out that very few of my friends are out when I'm out.So I just cruise the hall alone ,doesn't really bother me all that much because I see everyone after school so...All the new people (not just freshman) are okay.Between bells it's so loud ,so many conversations going on about absolutely nothing ,and of course you can never escape those loud ghetto people.The ones who think they need to yell from one end to another.I wish they wouldn't do that,it drives me insane but what I hate most are those people who insist on talking about someone they don't even know like right in front of their face.It's so mean,If you're going to make a negative comment about a person at least wait until they are out of ear shot.Like who the hell are you to be that...bitchy?

10th grade same as 9th not much of a difference so far it's just a title,a role I'm forced to play.Some people from last year surprisingly haven't changed meaning their immaturity level remains the same.Like seriously.Freshman need I say more.I hate when "upperclassmen" are like look at the freshman cooing at them it's like your ass was a freshman (some of you more than once). All the expectations you have to listen to.All the pointless but "oh so necessary" papers you have to get signed.This year my school is officially overcrowded like it's ridiculous.Teachers and their majestic attitudes.Sometimes I just want to knock them off of their imaginary pedestal .They think they're freaking god when really they're at the bottom of the career chain.Making less than average a year.I met a few new people ,still finding the need to gravitate towards my old friends.

Ugh scrambling around for those few things that slipped through the cracks of my thought to be full proof list.Mentally preparing myself for a new year of wasted education.Stupid girls,Stupid guys.Oh well .Looking back on this summer is making me both depressed and amazed .Depressed because of course I have to go back to school,but amazed at how much I've changed and other people changed.At the beginning of the summer I wrote an entry (private of course) of what I wanted to happen,what I wanted to change.It's crazy because everything I wanted I got but not in the way I expected which is okay.Now that I look back I see that I didn't need any of it.My priorities are entirely different now.No more wasting my time or energy on anyone or anything not worth it .

The things you did or said last year no longer need to be regretted just forgotten .People remember but odds are they don't care anymore.Time to enter back into the realm of insanity.High school.Myspace overflowing with bulletins all saying "schedule". Everyone excited to get the piece of paper that controls your life from here until June.Why?Hurrying to figure out who you're going to sit with at lunch.Expecting new people to replace the ones that moved.Old drama possibly resurfacing like a bad case of deja'vu .Going all out for your last days of freedom.Thinking about what you want to be different this year.Time to bury summer of 09 and write its epitaph .

I don't understand.I don't understand how the OhSoWonderful climax of your life can take such a dramatic fall without you even noticing until it's too late.What did I miss ? Sitting here,contemplating on whether to try and revive this bloodless connection or start over altogether.I didn't want to be the one to end our bond I still don't, but I feel as if you're giving me no choice.Yes, words were spoken.Connections were built on an erratic foundation .I want this nothing more but I will not settle for less and if that means putting this on hold or stopping it altogether.I guess.I guess that's what I'll have to do.



Being that it's almost over this summer school crap and stuff I thought I'd leave a little memoir to look back on .These past weeks haven't been as awful as I thought they would be .The funny part is everyone comes here to sleep (as if that's not one of the reason why you're sitting in a classroom for the summer).I'm like HELLO!? You're going to fail...again.and of course there are some people who I wish would go to sleep so I don't have to hear them.



I guess the whole "let's combine three schools into one" idea wasn't all that bad.For the most part everyone stayed with who they knew instead of meeting new people.Some people had their little attitudes,which you learn to look past it.Honestly I don't really give a damn how you look at me.



We have breaks or should I say a break.That's only like 15 minutes.Now let's do the math you sit in a seat for 6 hours and in that 360 minutes you only get not even half of an hour.I mean is this our punishment for failing or for some people for trying to get ahead.



Hmm other than that the teachers are pretty chill well mine is.The clock is you're enemy.Going slow when you want it to go fast,and fast when you need things to slow down. You start to lose the battle of You vs.Your eyelids.No matter what you're gonna lose ,and you'll find yourself in a deep but uncomfortable sleep.Dreams feel like hours but you wake up and it's only been 5 minutes.

So my sister and I walk in the DMV and immediately the "rent a cop" stops us and says .The line starts back there and pointed his fat finger towards this line of people.I told him I just needed a book so I could study for that permit test or whatever .He just looks at me and says."You have a few more years to go don't you ".I was like what are you talking about? He says you know you have to be like 15 to take it .I told him I was fully aware.My sister started laughing.It wasn't funny .So I go to this desk and ask the same thing.Instead of the ignorant questions I get the ignorant stare from the lady behind the desk.I told her I was 15 and I doubt she believed me .
Okay so what the fuck would I be doing in there if I wasn't old enough.i swear I wanted to kick that lady in her face and deprive that cop of his food.

Spending time with the people you care about is a good thing,but what all does it take to get everyone together?There's always that one friend who's say "We should all go do something ." the plan coordinator.

You think every part of your plan is perfect.The place,the people are all set.Then something happens and everything unravels like a newly macramé d garment not yet tied off.And you get a little flustered ......for what something that you knew wasn't going to happen.So either be satisfied with "having plans" or become a more spontaneous motherfucker .Just go with the flow and I guarantee you'll be a happier person.

I hate it when people ask for advice only to be offended when receiving it . You give them an honest opinion,and you're the bad guy.So I've decided to keep my head in my own shit and everyone else can kick rocks ,crash and burn.

Anticipation.That huge amount of adrenaline you get when you know something is about to happen.Good or Bad.You can literally hear your heart trying to escape .You wonder can people around you ?Then all of a sudden everything drops .Your point of existence for the next 3 or 4 hours is gone.Temper.It's what you wanna lose.Odds are it's what you're gonna lose.Me? Happens all the time.Lose it now , explanations and apologies later.That's what I say.Sometimes I regret the things I say .It's very seldom that you'll get an apology but if I feel that I owe you one you'll get it.

I hate it when you walk in a room and people stare.And you think booger,is my hair sticking up,is there something on my face?No.then what is it?Why do people insist on profiling someone they don't even know.People look you up and down.Some even determine they're better than you.Without even having a conversation.Girls give you that look and make that sound I call it the "Ghetto Grunt",that hmm who the fuck is she/him.Guys don't really pay attention unless there's a pretty girl in front of them.It's So annoying .

So I'm in the car and my moms going on one of her bitchy rampages about how I isolate myself in my room.She thinks I need to spend more time with this chaotic family.(Mind you that all this is going on in the car so any chance of me pretending I didn't hear her went out the window).She said that we don't talk like we used to,and then some other shit.So finally I just told her "Why don't you leave me alone and go find some friends".She shut up for like two seconds and started talking about having friends.So I told her "Then why don't you make plans with them instead of forcing your fifteen year old daughter to hang out with you."

You know I should have apologized but I didn't because I don't find the need.So I guess her punishment was dragging me to Busch Gardens with her tomorrow.I don't want to go though.Busch Gardens is so fucking boring.Thanks Mom.You put a smile on my face.

I'm a little confused as to what triggered my decisions to move on and abort certain "missions" in my mess I call a life.Maybe it was when I realized that all the work I put in to this guy erased itself as soon as he clicked the log in button on Myspace.Or the fact that no matter what I did or said that our so called relationship would never be legit.Or was it was when I finally met someone who actually calls me just to talk instead of when he wants something and tells me i'm pretty even when I don't feel like I am.Instead of digging through the "Laughs and Cries" to find the exuberance in a so-called bond I find myself genuinely happy .Which makes it worth all the crap I've been through.OhSoWonderful Relations

July 26 Smiles



Surprisingely today was pretty good based on the fact that it was spent with my ridiculous family .First we went to Michael's (the art store) to go look at absolutely nothing .The only thing my mom got was gum.Come on mom,you could've went to Wawa's for that.Then we got in the car just so my mom could say "Kiani I want some more gum go back in and get me some." What the fuck?So I did and the guy looked at me like I was retarded.Thanks Mom....So much.You really boosted my self esteem.Anyway,we went to Chiles and had to wait an hour just so my retarded sisters could say" i'm not hungry anymore" .Oh my goodness they drive me crazy.That's pretty much it .Bye for now.

A guy isn't a business you
shouldn't have to take a number.He should
put you at the front of his EXPRESS line.
If he's making you wait you might want to try somewhere else where it's less busy.
-Kiani-

What kind of boyfriend do you want? The Slacker,the guy who doesn't do anything and yet expects everything and more.The so to speak Fat person in the relationship,the big daddy do nothing, Mr. 5/95.Or would you rather have Mr. 50/50.The guy who meets you half way in every aspect of your relationship .Dates,Phone Calls,Text Messages,Chill Time.You name it he should be there.

Not for you well there's always Mr. 88/12.The one who insist on planning every part of your companionship,only to let you decide on a few minor details.Which one do you want?Think about it.

I hate girls who use the term ,wifey.I mean I thought everyone was over that "I'm wifey" phase.Obviously I was wrong.It's still on Myspace all these girls with there wifey pictures it's so wack.Why can't we just say girlfriend .I mean what the fuck.Another pointless post :) Just for you.

Have you ever just stumbled across something that you obviously weren't suppose to see? Somebody trying to keep a little secret.You getting that mental punch to the face .The wind being knocked out of you.Trying to choke back your sobs and for what the asshole behind all this.Is it worth your time?No.And yet you bestow precious seconds,minutes and hours on one person for what? To be crushed by their pretensions of who they really are.Nothings meant to be remember that .

How To sort out losers from that dream guy.
  1. Know what you want
  2. Don't settle for less
  3. Listen to your friends they always have your best interest,even when HE doesn't
  4. Mistakes are okay just learn,don't repeat
  5. Watch for the typical douche bag and avoid him

I hate meeting new people just to be forgotten the next day.I mean it isn't that hard to remember a name of someone you've had at least three conversations with.I remember most of the people i've talked to in the last 15 years of my existence?Shows how important I am right? Common Courtesy people!!!!! I mean take the effort.

I have like the most pointless post ever.My sister and I were watching Forest Gump .Everyone knows the part when he sitting on the bench and says "Life is like a box of chocolate you never know what you're gonna get".So being the "argumentalist" we are, we decided that that line was "politically incorrect" or something like that.Life is not like a fucking box of chocolate because you always know what you're gonna get just read the damn label.Too bad you can't do that with life or you could just pick your dream life.So in your face Tom Hanks .

Mistakes Made.I have a few.Some you probably wouldn't guess ,but I don't regret any of them even if I should.Responsibility? I'll take it.It's just that I make so many "Faux pas" that all that responsibility would break me in half. No scratch that fourths.(boys,school,friends,and family).Hmm sometimes It's just too much to handle alone.

Boyfriends are great right.? Even guys that are just friends are good right.?Well, what about spending time with them.That's cool.Movies.Mall.Beach.Yeah.So does this mean you have a life.Does a guy give you a life?Wanna find out here's what you do.Write a list of everything you do with your friends(boyfriends included).Now when you're finished count what you have on the list.Then,cross off everything you do with your significant other.How many things are left on your list.Which one outweighs which. If your "Sweetheart" does then we have a problem.Congratulation!!! you are an official Friend Deserter.Hooray!!! for you.Nope not so Hooray.Think about it how would you feel if your friend kept ditching you.Hmm. Breaking plans because "Bobby" decided some spur of the moment crap.It's one thing to have your space it's another to block your space.I'm not saying you should keep the Companionship having to minimum but have time for your girls because no matter what the boyfriend says(babe I want to be with you forever)*I detect some bullshit*your girlfriends will always be there even when he drops you for somebody prettier. :)


Well it's been one of those days.A Family Day.Ugh.They're the worst.My mom,my Ohsowonderful mom decided that we would all go to the movies to see Imagine That.I was fine with that.We were going to the movies on the base so the risk of being seen was very slim.After the movie my mom decided to go on one of her retarded adventures and somehow we ended up going to the beach.It was boring and I got so sick of watching fat guys and their boobs flapping around.Nasty.Finally,just when I thought we were going home we stopped at Toys R Us.What the fuck do we need at
Toys R Us.Waste of my Saturday.Another Pointless blog.

As most of you know I got the title from "The Dark Knight" .What does it mean ?It means you can't always sit on you're ass and wait for some miracle to happen because odds are it won't.You want something to happen,it's up to you to make sure that it does.If you want to wait, by all means be my guess,be that loser.Me? I got tired of letting "fate" handle my life.Have you?

So I'm on the blog search page on Google to find a new blog to possibly follow.Unfortunately all I got was depressed.Reading entries about dying and cutting really takes a toll on you.One thing i've noticed is how the titles are all the same "the day in the life of" and then there's some sort of teen word in there.Ugh, it was so annoying 30 pages of teens discussing their problems that half of the world could care less about."OMG I hate my mom" has been a number one line.It's stupid.Get a fucking life.

How does it feel to cry?Do you ever tell yourself not to? To hold it in.Restricted tears.Sometimes you just can't help it.Sometimes the tears just escape. Spill out uncontrollably.Do you stop yourself?

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Guys are so ..........I don't even know.I can't even pinpoint the one problem that makes them suck so much ass.Why would you pretend to be something/someone you're not.You let something go on for so long just to ruin it with out a word.You make her feel special just to treat her like crap in then end.Her friends tell her you're no good but they see how much you make her happy so they slowly adapt the fact that you're staying.She has that feeling in the back of her head that somethings wrong but ignores it because she "thinks" this is what shes been waiting for.You spend i'm sorry "waste" your time with her (shit you even tell her that you love her.).Is it out of pity or are you just getting tired of her and ready to get a new toy to play around with.Use the same tactics for the next girl.She thinks you could be the one,the one that's gonna be that perfect boyfriend.So she waits not wanting to rush with anything.So you play along to see what it ends like.Son of a bitch.Is that you're game,because if it is one day someones gonna beat you.Now I won't say you should burn in hell because i'm not that type of person.And for all I care you can catch a fucking std.Who knows maybe you're dick will magically off.Oh God Let us Pray that it Does.I'll be waiting.People like you will never find you're special someone.Sucks doesn't it.Yea I know.Hmm it feels good to let it out because after the last period of this entry i'll be completely over it ,you're game and You .And when I rip up the last piece of you left i'm gonna unplug you ,you're life from mine entirely.

Do you know a guy that's living on El' Desperato Boulevard.That one guy that spends countless hours looking for a girlfriend on myspace.Sending unwanted comments.Asking for numbers,and if they're lucky they might get one out of the 12 every other month.The sad but almost pathetic part about this is that the girl more than likely gave her number out for pity or because she couldn't find a nice way to say no.She doesn't want you to call her or text her so don't.Just be lucky your ass got the damn number and quit while you're ahead.Those guys that do a little extra because they know they need to ,to "stand out" ....Yeah desperate! So what makes a guy foolhardy .Hmmmm.A guy that can't take a hint.You know that one guy ,that no matter how many different ways you try to end a conversation he always finds something to drag it along.So I'll end this with a word of advise girls don't lead a guy on and guys get a life.

You know what pisses me off? Control freaks.Ugh they drive me nuts,insane,Deranged .I mean they act like they know everything that's everything,and anything that's anything.Assertiveness is the way to go right?The problem is that's something I lack .I'm sure Everyone has seen the episode of Spongebob when he gets "assertive" at least once.I've seen it and although it was very amusing it isn't as easy as it seems .Me? I tend to keep everything in .If somethings wrong you won't find it out from me.Why? I don't know I just don't like talking for myself most of the time.My mom calls it being anti-social.I just call it being quiet.I think sometimes that maybe I need to speak up .But I don't think there's any point because most of the time it makes you look stupid or illiterate.Bye for now there's another pointless blog for you.

Is it just me or do the majority of Asians hang out with Asians?
Like don't get me wrong I love Asians I go to the mall with them in fact one of my best friends is Asian .I'm just saying it's kinda weird .Not weird in a way like when a contortionist (a bendy person) can touch the back of their head to their butt,but weird like how an owl, any owl at that make the same exact sound every time *random I know*
Anyways!
It's like they have an Asian radar or something .In school they surround themselves with themselves . Parties ,There's always that hott Asian guy that all the girls go gaga over ,even though in reality he's trying to scope out that hott Asian girl to dance with.In the halls at school 9/10 of the girls have Asian boyfriends,but they're cute together .And isn't it cool how every Asian somehow knows every Asian. When I talk to my friends from other schools they know all my Asian friends from my school it's funny actually.

Deep.Deep?Deep!
Do you notice that the meaning of deep has been changing everyday.I'm not talking
Kanye' because he's as deep as a puddle of murky rain water,and I'm not talking like some depressed kid that eats his feelings and writes poetry about killing himself. I mean like when you talk to a person and you can just sense how intricate their mind really works.Even without saying something they've said enough.I have met a person or two like that ,but I'm waiting for that one person(male or female) to come and capture my full attention.Give me a conversation that I actually would like to participate in. Are you deep.Are you an Idiot.Questions haha.

"Oh What a Wicked Web we Weave when at first we choose to Deceive"
(Shakespeare)

I learned that yesterday in my acting class.It means if you lie once you're going to have to lie again,and pretty soon it will come back to bite you. I though that was kind of funny because I was just thinking about the liars in my life.Some worse than others.It makes me mad not because people lie ,but people who lie over the dumbest things.Honestly I can forgive you like it's not even the fact that you lie.If I ask you about it I just wanna know not to yell at you just to know.So you should just answer truthfully because if I ask you I already know that you lied.I don't know i'm just over it.

Is it that hard to figure out where you belong?Where you fit in this massive puzzle called Life.Me?I fit no where.Neither do you if you're reading this.I'm what you like to call a floater .I'm that one puzzle piece that got lost after one too many attempts to be put in its place.I mean hey i'm not complaining I enjoy being seen and not heard.It's a very comfortable life style .Think about one day you're hanging with the whack attack.Then, it's with the preppy people,then it's with top knotchers.I mean I don't classify myself as a top knotch glamour chick and I know that my name isn't in the book of Whack Attacks.And if you know me you already know that i'm far from anyone/thing preppy. Sometimes I look at my friends and I think about how they've been where they are since i've met them.They seem content with it but I don't know.I don't feel like this teenage period is for me.I'm beyond the cliques and cliches' .But is it that hard to find a group of friends that think/feel the same .Don't get me wrong the friends i've made are amazing well most of them but I just feel like there's more .Well bye for now.

So ever wonder why when you fall in love life gets worse than it was before .I mean isn't love suppose to Satisfy you,make you feel complete in all the right places.When am I going to be able to hear the words " I love you" and actually believe him. I wish I could say that I love this person knowing that they loved me the same way,but that's life right ? It's not meant to be even.It's like a trash bag too small for the bin.When one side fits the other jumps off.Why can't it be like a movie or a nice romance novel I mean I'd even be happy with those sappy Soap opera love stories.This whole reality thing....Not for me.Chemistry.What we all look for right ? That spark that starts the fire of an OhSoWonderful relationship.But, after this year of watching my friends capture that special someone I've learned that no guy is truly worth it if you don't have to work for it.

Ok is it just me or are we all being brain washed to the point where we need to Twitter about every SECOND of our lives and "follow" every SECOND of everybody else's lives .Or how about this when we send our men to go run in high heels for fucking Hannah Montana tickets.No well then how about the fact that Miley Cyrus is officially the the almighty Jesus in a blond wig. Don't believe me?Well remember at the Grammy's when she blew up at Radiohead well just last week Jamie Foxx decides to talk crap about her and her "Tantrum" .Then a few days later he has a near-death experience on a plane .Previously Miley twittered and said "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything." Coincidence I think not .I'm telling you Twitter and Miley will one day turn this into a dictatorship move over Hitler

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I post things that people think but won't say, about life and how stupid it can be.I don't put names because it's none of your business who I'm talking about.Follow me.
I don't have regrets just mistakes I won't make again.

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