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You want to know what I hate ?People that totally disregard their surroundings and make unnecessary remarks .Unnecessary.The word "faggot" shouldn't be in anyone's vocabulary.I saw one of my friends walking down the hall (looking amazing by the way)I heard someone in the hall "He's such a faggot " like what the fuck ?I wanted to turn around and slap the crap out of that guy.So because the boy was different he deserves to be called out of his name .No that's like my friend calling you a nasty negro.You just don't do it.Not so nice huh? Respect would be nice.Aah people and their ignorance.

Definition: feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages.
Why do you find the need to flaunt what I've already had.Like I'm not retarded ,I notice that you guys have something going on and I'm perfectly o.k. with it .Honestly I could really care less.Saying Hi to me?When have you ever said hi to me just because ?Only when a certain person is present .So I just want you to leave me alone and get a life .Geez you act like I'm going to try to come between whatever is going on never that.

Is it weird to say I hate being home.That I try to avoid having to converse with my mom because I know it would end in an argument.That I take any chance I get to not be home no matter what it is.Somebody is always screaming .My mom and her fucking religious ways,she makes me go to church even though she knows I don't give a rat's ass about what's being said at 7AM .My brother is always crying or being an ignoramus.My sisters,need I say more.That's why I separate myself from them ,all of them.Sometimes my mom tells me "you think you're better than everybody" not true I just rather be away from you.When I'm home I only leave my room to stuff my face they hardly see me.I just stopped caring a while ago ,actually it somehow makes everything easier .I don't know what it is but I despise the idea of anything family related.All this loving,yelling,fighting,apologizing,divorcing,proposing,death,CONFUSION.It makes life harder than it needs to be .Some people wish to be cared for ,I wish that people would stop concerning themselves with me.

I wanted to post this yesterday but I don't write when I'm bad .So here's the story.Yesterday,my friend and I were in the lunch line ,talking about random things ,which we do all the time.Then this bitch behind us was like "they are so wack".Aaaaaah I swear I wanted to punch her in her unattractive face .We turn around and just looked at her usually I wouldn't care but I was having a great day and she just darkened it.I went off ,I've never cursed that much at one time in my life .I just couldn't stop because if you've read one of my previous entries you would know how I felt about that word.Who the hell are you to say that .Especially with us less than an inch away from you.Then we got out the line my friend was called out by one of the stupid administrators about her shoes.Like seriously ,is this what you're getting paid for ,scoping out shoes.Shit .Security.That's what they're called? All they do is nag and try to find things wrong with us.It's like security is supposed to be watching the halls making sure fucking terrorists *exaggeration* aren't invading our school instead they're all in the cafeteria sitting on they're "holy dais" patrolling the floors for trash.Pathetic.

The Flu is going around unfortunately and every ones fucking getting sick.The nurses are getting fucking paranoid making anyone with a cough strap on one of those surgical mask.I went to the clinic today and this lady was practically yelling at this boy "if you have a fever over the weekend don't come to school,your mom should know this,if not please tell her".I wanted to to tell her so bad that it's not that serious.I mean if she's that scared she should get the vaccination ,and then there's the swine flu which makes this "flu season" even more ridiculous .People are like stay away from me you're contagious I could die. I swear they're so ignorant don't they know that you can die from the flu too .Even though it's not likely.It's not like there has been an outbreak of the measles or something serious like that.

I still can't decide whether to keep this "distraction" up.I can't explain it but this one is far from the last.This feeling. This ohsowonderful feeling of being cared for.I mean my previous little "amusement" was fine ,OK, a little better than o.k. I didn't feel like I was waisting my time until I saw that there was no progress happening ,not even a little.......Momentary Flashbacks.It almost felt like I was being used as much as that hurts to admit ,but it's true I see nothing else that fits.But what I can't figure out is why ,why put me through that .I don't care anymore it's water under the bridge.Sometimes i just wish you were gone but then if you were I'd be selfish enough and maybe even stupid enough to make you wanna stay.I know you wouldn't listen to me .I don't matter right.Did I ever ?I'd like to think I did,well do.

People disappear for a reason ,some for the better some for the worse.Then for whatever reason people reappear .Why ? My life would be a whole lot easier if certain "people" kept a safe distance .I miss the simplicity in my life where I actually looked forward to a new day.Now I dread every hour that passes by.So many arguments ,the animosity,hostility all could have been avoided ,instead me and the rest of my family are attached to certain "people" who do nothing but slow the process of moving on down.The only good that came out of this whole mess was my little brother and I wouldn't trade him for anything ,even if he does get on my nerves.You would think that after the divorce everything would be o.k. ,a clean cut.Instead it's like a laceration that will never mend.I don't know how I remain sane sometimes listening to my mom defend herself over a phone ,a fucking phone. I used to want to hurt you make you suffer like those times you made her suffer. I used to want to cut you physically like you cut her emotionally ,but somehow I've been able to push you to the back of my mind.Where eventually you will stay for ever.

So my mom started dating this guy,______.He's okay kind of quiet for my hellish family .Well we had dinner together ,that's the first surprise my mom never cooks .Seriously if there weren't fast food restaurants we would all starve to a "bony baby" death.Anyways so we're sitting at the table in complete silence,well aside from the sound of the buttons on everyone's phone.All of a sudden my mom is like "How was your day" the universal "silence-filler".She and everyone at the table but poor_____ knows that the question gets less than a four worded sentence .So she moves on to other "conversation starters " all of them started where the last one ended .Nowhere...!
This whole time I keep looking at my sister and we're both this close to bursting out laughing .
This whole time_____ is just snickering trying to keep it in until he laughs too.

So yesterday was homecoming (the game) and it was so much fun.Better than last year only because I went with my friends that actually stayed with me .We were probably like one of the loudest groups on the bleachers.Me , being afraid of heights was having miniature panic attacks every time someone jumped up and down on the bleachers.Anyways the concession stands were fucking loud and everyone kept getting in front of us.I blame it on our shortness :) It was so hot and stuffy with everyone pushing to get to the front.When we finally got out of the line I saw this freshman that asked me to the dance today.He waved but being the bitch I am I just looked at him and kept walking.I don't care.So many cute guys from other schools like seriously whoa :) I heard some people talking about a fight and sure enough I saw the blue flashing lights outside of the fence.I ended up walking home instead of getting a ride from my mom because she wanted me to wait at the ticket booth when everyone was leaving.I walked with my best friend and her friend.Great Night.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't told you how I felt about our "situation" as you once called it.I couldn't decide whether to keep it to myself or to let you know.Why?Because I figured in time you would forget about me and vise versa .I'll admit I wanted things to return back to normal,but when reality set in I realized they wouldn't and/or couldn't. I'm not sure what compelled me to do such a thing ,as to jeopardize the wall that was slowly being built between us. I feel like I gave you permission to step on my feelings, but it's what ever .


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