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Sometimes.....I reminisce and my past blurs the line of reality. It's like I spend my days thinking about what used to be and how the dynamics of a few relationships have changed. Then I come back to the present and don't know how to handle it. I don't want to forget,because that was the most complicated but splendid part of my life. Then, I was the most happiest, I had what I wanted for once. It didn't matter who liked me. How home was.How much of a loner I was at school. I was just in pure bliss. Now? I'm always conscious of how easy it would be for him to disappear once again.....completely. I keep everything in because I feel one slip up and life becomes absolutely intolerable . I just want the present to be as enjoyable as the past. No one ever asks me to just vent (with the exception of one) so I don't. And I say the same thing everyday. It's killing me.Eating away at me. Nobody seems to care about the inside just as long as I seem fine on the outside why bother right? People claim they care, but the truth is apparent .
I try so hard more than anyone can imagine. To keep up this pretentious facade. I may seem like I just let my emotions run a muck through my words, actions. But really....that's nothing compared to what it could be.Of course though no one sees that. I spend my time tending to everyone's emotional needs ....Who's gonna be there for me ?

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