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Growing up my sisters and I have basically raised ourselves. Then when my brother was born it just seemed like second nature to become the "mother" all over again.. I'm not saying my mom deserted us. All I'm saying is she could have done a little better. I don't know i guess listening to her talking about trying something new with the family or ......I don't really know what I'm trying to say..........While my mom was off tending to the so called men that she brought into our lives, we were busy growing up. Time never stopped as much as I think she thinks it did. Instead of being there for us she was too busy trying to find a new "Father" for a us. Or maybe she wasn't thinking about us period. Who knows what goes on in her head. Countless nights of listening to the arguing, sleeping in the car while she played romeo (balcony scene) ,letting them put hands on her child. Yet still we were left to sort through the confusing feelings of everything that went on. I'm the one that had to explain when they were scared, I'm the one who had to step in and say "keep your hands off of my brother" , I'm the one who stepped up and said what everyone in the house thought.I'm the one who watched her kids while she was out doing who knows, I'm the one that watched the tears spill down cheeks and listened to sniffles meant to be silent,I'm the one who had to hold it in and seem strong with no one to comfort me. So excuse the hell out of me because I don't trust you, or the men you choose.I'm sorry if you deem me selfish because I don't want to mend an imaginary relationship because now you decide it's convienient for you . If that's what I am for doing things that you should've been there to do then that's fine with me. I feel that if anyone was selfish it was you.........

Knowledge is power and not knowing is just half the battle.


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