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I still can't decide whether to keep this "distraction" up.I can't explain it but this one is far from the last.This feeling. This ohsowonderful feeling of being cared for.I mean my previous little "amusement" was fine ,OK, a little better than o.k. I didn't feel like I was waisting my time until I saw that there was no progress happening ,not even a little.......Momentary Flashbacks.It almost felt like I was being used as much as that hurts to admit ,but it's true I see nothing else that fits.But what I can't figure out is why ,why put me through that .I don't care anymore it's water under the bridge.Sometimes i just wish you were gone but then if you were I'd be selfish enough and maybe even stupid enough to make you wanna stay.I know you wouldn't listen to me .I don't matter right.Did I ever ?I'd like to think I did,well do.

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