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People may call me selfish when I say that I'm annoyed on account of my mom's retirement from the Military. With all the deployments and duties I should be as relieved as my mother is. I wish I could share her excitement, but I knew as everyone else in this house knew that things would be changing ...not for the better. You see she ( mom) likes to pretend like we can finally rekindle the flame of closeness that our family once had. Delusional. Is the only word that comes to mind. In no way am I trying to be cruel. It's just the truth and I won't bend it for anyone, not even her. What she doesn't seem to understand is that sure we have taken many vacations to various locations, played a few games of Uno and Monopoly here or there and had a few laughs.But by no means does that even make a family even remotely close.It isn't a factor. I'm not asking for a white picket fence family, or those sitcom families where it all just gels together I just want a functional family.

I spend most of my time in my room because I prefer the silence then the chaos that welcomes me when I open my door.Our family is a group of nomad for lack of better word ( I really gotta get a new thesaurus) everyone for themselves.

My mom, because of her occupation, has spent alot of time away from us ( my siblings and I).If anyone has the slightest sign of "bond" it's us .We've had to build this immunity to missing our mom ...together.I guess she's trying to make up for the time she hasn't been there.I think in truth she realizes that we can now fend for ourselves.We don't need nor do we crave that maternal grasp we once hoped for . We've become accustomed to doing what we want and I think it's a little too late to try and scramble up some sort of relationship...

I don't know I'm rambling so I'll stop ...Knowledge is power and not knowing is just half the battle.


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