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I don't know what I was thinking. I could just replace him...It worked for a few days. It was like my fantasy land. My Disneyland. Me, the princess of the park *yeah I have issues with my analogies, thats not the point* Anyway, maybe it was because of who this person was that gave me a sense of security . A tie(no matter how mangled the rope was) to the past that I so desperately clung to. When will this torment end? When will I have a piece of mind?
Why I kept this a secret? Because I knew the trouble it would've caused.Then again maybe it wouldn't matter . He doesn't seem that interested in me nowadays anyway. Also I didn't know what was going on and if it was anything to begin with .I guess I kept it a secret because I thought I could have both. I thought that .....when he didn't come through I had a backup .....I'm not talking about sex. Sex is irrelevant. I'm talking about having that close feeling. That familiar feeling.
All of that changed. When? I honestly do not know nor can I remember .I just know there was a split second where I realized what I was doing and ran the opposite way...Geez I don't make sense.
I miss my old life...Maybe I wouldn't miss it if....never mind it's never going to happen again.I got it .I feel like every time I'm all out of things to say I have a new post unraveling in front of me.Such as this one.

Staring at my only escape and it never looked so.......enticing

So remember knowledge is power and not knowing is just half the battle.

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